I have a wonderful life. I truly do! However, when it comes to fertility issues, everything seems to fall apart!
When we left the office the day we discussed our options and the routine evaluation was scheduled, we felt pretty good. We really didn't want to be back in this place again, but we were trying to be optimistic. Now that we have had a child, maybe things will go a little faster and more smoothly this time. Boy, were we wrong!
I went back a couple of weeks later for my evaluation (physical, blood tests, etc) to make sure we could move forward with our plan of insemination with injections. I was poked and prodded more than I care to mention and answered more questions than I care to mention, but everything went smoothly. We would have to wait a few days to get the blood results back, but everything looked like it would be a go. Before I left the office that day, our insemination calendar was discussed. That meant that pretty soon, things were getting started and I was ready. The only thing I had left to do was go for a tube test (there is a more medical name for it) to make sure my tubes were not blocked in any way. That was necessary for us to proceed. I had one many years ago, but apparently that was not up-to-date enough. I truly wasn't anxious about it a bit, since I had already gone through this with flying colors before. It's scheduled kind of like surgery and is not the most comfortable procedure. They give you a little pain medicine prescription to go home with, but other than some pretty bad cramping, it's not that bad. My doctor was in surgery on the scheduled day, so another doctor in the practice performed the test. As she finished the test, she told us that everything looked great and to go ahead and start the cycle for insemination that had been discussed. Jason and I were relieved. All the formalities were now over and we could get a move on. We barely walked in the door that afternoon when the phone rang. We saw that it was the fertility clinic, but we just (naively) thought they were calling to check on me. Oh, how I wish that had been the case. The doctor that had performed the tube test called to tell us that she had reviewed the data (photos and all) and had found something she missed while we were there. She said that she found a cyst in the wall of my uterus that had to be removed. It was definitely at a size and a place that could prevent a pregnancy or cause complications if a pregnancy occurred. Just like that....the dream was postponed and my hopes were shattered. I pleaded with the doctor on the phone to let me move ahead anyway. I went from disbelief to complete pity in a matter of minutes. As nicely as she could, she told me that there was no reason to go ahead with our plan at this time and surgery was needed to get rid of it. Surgery? Please, no! After all, we already had the medicines for the shots ready to go. We had the insemination planned! This couldn't all be stopped just like that. I asked her to have my doctor call me. In my pitiful state, I was truly hoping that my doctor would tell me the cyst was no big deal and everything would move forward as planned. My doctor did call me within the hour, and confirmed my worst fear. Everything was halted. They would stop the order for the medicines. They would cancel the calendar we had made for insemination. Someone would call from the hospital the next day to schedule the surgery. Not only did I have to give up on my dreams of moving forward, I had to have surgery. I halfheartedly agreed to the surgery (like I had any choice in the matter). I made the mistake of asking if we could proceed with insemination the next month, and I was told I would have to wait three months to start up again. Are you kidding me? How could we go from "everything's a go" to "you're going to have surgery and everything is halted for three months"?
I'm not going to lie. I really struggled with this one. I was pretty down about it, although I knew in my heart that this was just a roadblock...not the end. I'll be honest, though, it felt like the end. I didn't want to have surgery and I surely did not want to wait on my dream of having another baby. Although things were not happening as I had hoped, God had a different plan. I could either get on board with God's timing or I could spent the rest of my life miserable and bitter. I chose to get on board with God...and what a ride this would be! Little did I know at the time, but this would be one of the smaller roadblocks to come.....
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