1. As I was a little girl growing up, I always said I would have three kids. I would have a boy first and then two little girls. This was when life was easy, and I was young and naive. I totally gave up on this dream after sitting in the Fertility Clinic for the umpteenth time. Not on purpose, but I never shared this "dream" with Jason. After I saw the results of the pregnancy test, I told Jason. I think he wishes I'd shared this just a tad earlier!!!! Kind of puts some validity to a small child's dreams. Needless to say, I am listening to every dream of Harrison! You never know, he might become a farmer or a bird in a cuckoo clock!
2. True, I always dreamed of having three kids, but, let me just say, going from one to two kids rocked my world a bit. It didn't help that we had open heart surgeries and other bothersome things, too. To say that I am a schedule and routine kind of person is putting it mildly. I know I need to chill out a bit (and all those that know me well are screaming "Hallelujah"), but I just can't help it! I try....I really do! I did adjust, however, and finally got "comfortable" being the mommy of two. The thought of THREE kids seemed a little overwhelming, to say the least. Yes, I was happy about this newest gift, but I was just getting used to THIS life, you know?
3. I was SCARED TO DEATH to be pregnant with the tumultuous pregnancy with Lynley. In the beginning, I couldn't quite shake that uneasy feeling that something could go wrong at ANY time, and I truly didn't know if I could handle anything like that again. With each doctor's appointment, I was more excited yet anxious, because Lynley's diagnosis came from nowhere! Could I really let myself relax and enjoy this? I prayed very, very, very hard for this. Sometimes, it was daily struggle to just let myself enjoy this. That sounds very bad, I know, but it was my reality. Most of me knew this was a gift from God to help heal all the wounds relating to Lynley, but there were times the enemy reminded me that it could all happen again without warning.
4. Pure and simple....I felt WAY too old for this!
I went to my OBGYN on Tuesday. I felt a myriad of emotions...excitement, anticipation, fear, joy, etc. Thankfully, I have a fabulous doctor that was just as happy for us as we were (shocked but happy). It was all verified. There, on the ultrasound screen was a BEAUTIFUL gift. They weren't sure, due to it being way early in the pregnancy, if anything would show up. God KNEW I needed to, not only hear the news, but SEE it for myself. Have I mentioned how thrilled we were? I'm pretty sure I used half a box of Kleenex as I laid there and let this sink in. This was real. This was going to happen. This was our "full circle" moment. In the midst of the excitement and tears, I think I heard God say, "I TOLD you I had this!!!!"
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