I would be lying if I said I never had any doubts about our latest decision. By the time we left the lawyer's office to close on our house (again) and we had signed on the dotted line enough to buy an entire country, I felt a little overwhelmed. Even though this new payment on our house that we had refinanced was not going to strap us financially (a whole lot), it was a big step for us. We had just made a "grown up" decision! After a lot of prayer, we knew we were making the right decision, but there were times we (or at least I) was just a tad overwhelmed. What if we took this giant leap of faith and In Vitro didn't work? It would be like flushing LOTS of money down the toilet. I don't know about you, but we don't make a habit of flushing large amounts of money down the potty at the Pierce household (or small amounts, for that matter)! If this procedure didn't work (and there was only a 35% chance that it would), we would be throwing away about $25,000!!! That's a little unnerving! However, I knew I would never be fully satisfied until I gave this "second" motherhood thing all the chances I possibly could.
Here is where I want to say that we were not doing this because Harrison was not enough for us. On the contrary, it's because he made parenthood so incredibly wonderful, we couldn't imagine not having that experience again. At times, I questioned myself about this with tears in my eyes. Shouldn't he be enough? Shouldn't I just be grateful for the awesome blessing God gave us a few years earlier? Wouldn't it better to stop while we're ahead? Wouldn't $25,000 be needed in our future? Don't think for a second that I didn't ask those questions in prayer daily. We asked God for wisdom and He gave it to us in the form of peace. We may not have another child at the end of this journey, but we would have peace knowing that Almighty God would give us His joy and comfort no matter what the outcome would be. If you know the end of our journey then you know that was a huge foreshadowing if there ever was one!!!!!
So.....we began our second In Vitro journey in February of 2011. We met with our fertility doctor and actually walked out of the office that day (after being there for over four hours) with a VERY detailed In Vitro calendar to begin the end of the month. Not sure I had ever been more excited and scared to death at the same time. Once nature took its course at the end of the month, I was to go in for an ultrasound to start everything up.
When I went in for my routine ultrasound a few weeks later, it did not turn out routine at all (surprise, surprise). They found another small cyst that was going to halt everything until they got it out. Seriously? Hadn't I already traveled this road and bought the T-shirt? They started mentioning surgery and removal and I lost it. Right there in the office, I lost it. What happened to that wisdom and perfect peace? It had exited the building. Because of my not-so-pretty coming apart at the mention of surgery and postponing our cycle, they said there was a slight chance they could remove it in the office, but it may not be pleasant. Since I couldn't think of anything MORE unpleasant than putting my dreams on hold, I told them to try to get it in the office that day (like an idiot). I walked in that day with a smile a mile wide because I knew my dreams were actually becoming a reality, and now they were using a lot of sharp pointed things to try to remove something inside me. To top it off, I am at this appointment BY MYSELF, because I told Jason it was routine and there was no reason for him to take off of school to come with me. Yes, I am an EXTREMELY slow learner!!!! I know this is not a huge surprise, but they were unable to get the cyst on that day, so I found myself three hours later in the Preadmitting Office scheduling my surgery the following week....
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