Pity Party

I would love to say that as I laid in the bed awaiting surgery that March morning that I spent my time counting my blessings and talking happily about the possibilities of our future.  I have to say it was a low point.  After all, we had made the hard decision to try this In Vitro thing again. We had just paid a large amount of money to start the cycle. We already had our expensive medicines ordered.  We extensively prayed to God for wisdom throughout this process.  Now, instead of following our cycle calendar with to the daily medications, injections, doctor visits, and ultrasounds to prepare us for "the" day, I was lying in the bed waiting to undergo a surgery I simply didn't want (not that many people do cartwheels at the thought of surgery).  I laid in that bed that day and had myself a pretty large pity party.  This is not what I had planned.  As I laid there, I had to realize and remember that God's timing is not mine.  He sees the big picture and I see the here and now.  I had a big "a-ha" moment that surrgery day. I was going to do my best to pray and live according to the plan God had for me.  After all, He never promised it would be easy.  He just promised that He would never leave me alone.  To this day, He never has!

Surgery went without a hitch.  Aside from being groggy and a little sore, I was back to myself within a few days.  My doctor let us know that day that we would have wait a month before beginning again.  Once again, that's not what we had planned, but we could certainly wait a month.  That wouldn't be too bad, and it wasn't. 

As April inched closer, we began to get excited and anxious once again.  I must say that as the day came for the first ultrasound to make sure everything was okay (and there were no "extra" cysts to be found), I was a nervous wreck.  My eyes moved between the ultrasound screen (because after all the ultrasounds I have had, I think they could hire me to read them) and the nurse's face.  My heart was beating out of my chest.  Things were perfect....finally!  We were on our way. I had several ultrasounds and bloodwork done over the next couple of weeks.  Things were progressing the way they were supposed to.

I began giving myself at least 3 injections a day (up to 6 on some days) and had an ultrasound every couple of days to make sure my follicles were growing.  They put me on the same protocol that I used when we had Harrison.  That sounds great until they tell you that they NEVER use that certain protocol anymore because it is not very successful for most people.  Gee, wonderful!  I just had to remember that it worked for Harrison.  At least we know that my body CAN respond to it.  I simply had to put it in God's hands.

We were within days of scheduling the Retrieval.  On a Friday morning, I went to the doctor for another ultrasound.  The nurse said everything looked great, but they (the follicles) still needed to grow a few more days to get to the desired size.  I was scheduled to go back on that Sunday for a final check.  It was Mother's Day.  Although I wanted to go to church with my family on Mother's Day, I had to remind myself that there would be many more Mother's Days and this was very important.

I had no idea how this Mother's Day would turn out....