This post is one that I have been both dreading and excited about writing. There will be some truths in here that it took this mommy a while to come to grips with. Along with that, though, it is so extraordinary to witness what God did with our little miracle....
Getting home from heart surgery was nothing short of heavenly. I FINALLY had both of my precious babies under one roof for more than a day a time. We still could not take her "out" as long as her scar was healing so as to prevent any infection. We had to scoop her up instead of picking her up normally due to her bones healing (they had to break...yes, break...her chest bone to get to her heart properly). All in all, being home was awesome. I could actually breathe (somewhat) now that the worry of surgery (and all that it entailed) was behind us.
Two weeks after we were home, we had a routine checkup with her cardiologist to make sure things were progressing normally after surgery. It was at this visit that we got the news that changed our thinking and our family forever. They checked her out and gave her a thumbs up for her recovery process. The doctor began talking about how big the hole in her heart ended up being. He reiterated how that it is totally unheard of and how very lucky she was to have survived. When he saw our startled and perplexed faces, he proceeded to tell us that there was no medical reason Lynley should have survived before her heart surgery. He told us that, medically speaking, a person (especially a newborn) cannot survive with only two full chambers in his/her heart. As scary as it is for me to say this, he told us right then and there that we should have woken up one morning to a dead baby. If the doctors had known the extent of her heart defect, they would have done surgery shortly after she was born and the likelihood of her surviving would have been small. Excuse me? I knew I had been blessed with a very special little girl, but, at that moment, I realized I was holding a MIRACLE! The thoughts of all that could have been came flooding for a few minutes, but then I looked into Lynley's eyes and knew that this was all part of the plan. God was revealing little at a time how he wasn't finished with her yet and how He held every fiber of her being in His Almighty Hands! I must say that one doesn't get this kind of news about your child and then go on with life as if nothing had happened. I believe I held her a little tighter (not too tight, though, since she just had open heart surgery), told her how special she was more than I did before, and just basked in the fact that God had chosen ME to be a part of an earthly miracle.
No, in the beginning, I didn't love the fact that my sweet daugther would have to endure much more in the first few months of her life than most people do in a lifetime, but I was realizing that everything was going to be just fine. Was she cured from everything? No! Lynley will still have obstacles to face as time goes by, but, my friends, I know with absolute certainty who held (and still holds) my baby girl in His Hands! That is true JOY!
Now, on to our "new normal"....
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