Life continued as normally as possible for the next two weeks. I went on a field trip with my fourth graders to the zoo and even took a trip to Las Vegas during Fall Break (which my students won for me in a previous magazine sale at school). Even though life was ticking away, those two babies NEVER left my mind. I rubbed my belly many times throughout the day and sang songs to them periodically. Laugh if you will, but this was serious to me! Jason even joined me in some of the fun. Although he didn't sing to them as I did, he bought a HUGE jar of pickles at the grocery store because, one day soon, I would live out the pregnant woman myth...eat pickles and ice cream. It HAD to work if I had PICKLES!
The pregnancy test day came painstakingly slow, but it came. I once again left my house before sunrise to get to the office by 7:00. I wore my favorite outfit, because this was going to be a life changing day for me! I wanted to remember every last detail of this special day. They did the routine stick in the arm and told me, as I left, they would call me before the day was over with the result. I got back to school to continue my day as normally as possible until they called. My sweet secretary at the time knew to call me in my classroom the second the phone call came. The phone call came at 9:37.....
My kids were at P.E. at the time, so I flew to the office to get the news when I was buzzed from the school office. I was smiling from ear to ear while my heart was beating a mile a minute. This was it! All the hard work, pain, sweat, and tears came down to this moment! When I answered the phone, I got the news.....negative. After all we had endured for a baby over the last few months, the answer was "no". How could this be? No one could want this more than me! I prayed hard for this! Funny how I remember everything up to this point but it becomes a big blur after that. I do remember nearly fainting with despair as I hung up the phone. Some teacher friends moved me into the counselor's office (seems fitting doesn't it) so I wouldn't have to tell people over and over. That was where I had to make the hardest phone call of my life. I had to tell Jason. How was I supposed to tell my husband? I called the main number to the high school, because he couldn't answer his cell phone. Usually students answer the phone at the high school, but, on this day, one of the secretaries answered and knew right away. I probably don't have to say that I was almost hyperventilating (and that's not an exaggeration). Jason came to the phone after what seemed like years, and I broke the news to him between some serious sobs. I didn't want to do this to him. He said all the "right" things, but I knew he was hurting deeply.
People offered to drive me home, because there was NO way I could remain at school that day and teach those kiddos. I was dying inside and there was no way I could hide it in front of fourth graders. Being the determined person I am, I assured them I could drive home safely. I thank the Lord for getting me home that day because I was A MESS. Jason met me at home, and we cried together. It was a low like I had never felt before. I urged him to go back to school for I needed some time to let this sink in.
As I was making my way through the kitchen after telling him goodbye, I saw them.....those pickles. Funny how something so simple can cause so much pain....
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