To be clear...just because we decided to do In Vitro didn't mean that I was super excited about it. I mean, we were about to pay big money for what most other people get FOR FREE. It didn't seem fair. All I wanted was a child of my very own to love and raise. It didn't seem too much to ask. I was a little bitter (just being honest) and extremely scared about this decision, but if it got me closer to the family I dearly longed for, then let's do it.
To say I wasn't fully prepared emotionally or physically for this experience would be a very large understatement. I am petrified of needles and I became a human pincushion. I gave myself no less than 5 shots A DAY! I'm the one who cries when I get a flu shot for goodness sake! If you had asked me several years before if I would ever give myself a shot, I would have answered with a resounding, "No!" I told you my desire for a baby was strong.
The whole process takes about 6 weeks from beginning to end...when it goes smoothly. I have yet to have a smooth run at it.
When we began the process in late April of 2006, I met the challenge head on only to be stopped mid cycle. I went for routine labwork (because they are ALWAYS checking your levels and doing ultrasounds). I was there at 7:00, so I could get back to school quickly. My sweet mom would go with me each time, so I wouldn't have to go alone (yes, she met me at 5:40 in the morning each time). I had enough experience with this Infertility thing to know that things can change day by day, minute by minute. I wasn't, however, prepared for this. As the nurse was doing the ultrasound, I was watching her face for a sign of how things looked. On this day, I saw no smile. When I asked if everything was okay, I saw the head tilt. You know what I mean? That sympathetic head tilt that causes your stomach to do flips and your heart to beat right out of your chest? They immediately told me to meet the nurse in charge of In Vitro in her office...not a good sign It was a pretty short walk down the hall to her office, but it felt like forever. When she finally met me in there, she informed that I was overstimulated and the cycle would be stopped for a couple of months. Just like that...it was all over. It wasn't the end forever, just for three EXTREMELY long months. You see, when you have a strong desire to have a baby and you think you are on your way, three months IS eternity. I squalled right there in the office. Remember when I said I wasn't prepared fully for this journey?
The painful and rather depressing three months began.....
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