There were ups and downs with each doctor's appointment. Some were positive as it looked like the hole in her heart was shrinking. They told us there was a chance (not a big one, but a chance) that the hole would close up on its own either before birth or during her first year. She was growing at a little below normal rate. All of that was encouraging and something to cling to. Then, there were the not-so-positive appointments where her hole was as dominant as ever, and her femur and arm bones were shorter than normal (one of the signs of Down's Syndrome). With each appointment, I tried to take them at face value. There was really no way of knowing the reality of the situation until she arrived. That was hard! It is easier to deal with things when you have all of the facts, but, when it is all a guessing game, you have nothing concrete to hold on to. I loved this little girl. I believed in the beautiful life of this little girl. I was going to be her number one fan, no matter what. That was what kept me going each day.
I have to be truthful. I wasn't ready for her birth. I knew as soon as she was born, our lives would change forever. I didn't think I was ready for that. As long as she was "in the oven," I could believe that everything was just fine, and that's what I did. I spent each day praying fervently that God would completely heal my baby. I didn't just sort of believe it....I believed it with my COMPLETE being (heart, soul, mind, and strength). It may sound silly or like I was trying to avoid the truth, but healing was possible. Yes, I knew that I could be setting myself up for a great fall once she came into this world, but this is how I had cope. I dreamed of the moment after her birth when the doctor told me that my baby was perfectly healthy in every way! There is absolutely nothing wrong with heart patients or individuals with Down's Syndrome. That's just not what I wanted. I know that sounds very selfish and harsh, but it's real, friends! If that's the path chosen for me, then I would deal with it at the birth. Until then, I was going to believe, believe, believe....
My last day teaching was the day we got out for Christmas break. I had a little less than a month before the due date. That would give me a little rest time (if that is possible with a five year old) before being the mother of two. I enjoyed taking Harrison to preschool and picking him up. Those are mommy luxuries that I missed while teaching. I was able to do the final details to prepare for Lynley's arrival. I was scheduled for an induction on Friday, January 26, 2012 (one week before my due date).
On January 19, 2012, I had just cooked dinner (country style ribs, mashed potatoes, and macaroni and cheese...how's that for a good memory) when Jason got home. He was actually out looking at new vans. We knew we were going to need more space, so we were looking to get a van. (I actually NEVER thought I would be a mini van mom, but it was looking that way.) We sat down to a normal dinner and everything was as it was every night. As pregnant women do often, I had to go to the bathroom. It was then and there that my water broke. Don't worry...I'm not going to share details other than to say that, since I had never experienced this part on my own, I had to figure out what was going on. Just saying...
We got the care in place for Harrison and we were on our way to Birmingham to have Lynley Morgan Pierce, the angel that was about to enter this world. I wish I could describe in words what is was like to have contractions (which is painful) while praying with every fiber of my being that my husband (God love him) would not kill us in his pursuit of getting to Birmingham in record time. I haven't officially checked the record on that, but I'm pretty sure we broke it. Can I say East Gadsden to Birmingham in 37 minutes? Dear Gussey!!
When we arrived in one piece, I was thankful, but also in tremendous pain. The birth was coming and my regular doctor was out of town...
No comments:
Post a Comment